In short
If someone close to you says they do not want to live, take it seriously: such words are a cry for help, not an attempt to get attention. Stay calm and ask directly whether they are thinking about suicide — a direct question does not push a person toward acting, it relieves tension. Listen without judging or arguing, do not promise to keep it secret, and help them see a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. If the danger is immediate, do not leave the person alone and call 103 or 112; for children and young people, the helpline 150 is available.
Key points in one minute
- Words about not wanting to live always deserve to be taken seriously; they are not a sign of manipulation or “attention seeking.”
- Asking directly about suicidal thoughts does not provoke them; it gives the person a chance to talk about what matters most.
- Listening and being there matter more than finding the perfect words, arguing or trying to talk the person out of it.
- Suicidal thoughts are most often linked to depression and other conditions that respond to treatment.
- If there is an immediate threat, do not leave the person alone: call 103 or 112; for children and young people, the helpline is 150.
Why You Should Never Ignore the Words “I Don’t Want to Live”
Thoughts of death and of not wanting to live are one of the symptoms of severe emotional suffering. They occur in depression, bipolar disorder, severe anxiety and addictions, and after losses and trauma. According to WHO estimates, suicide remains one of the leading causes of death among young people, and yet many of those who have thought about it later say that they badly wanted someone to stop them and help. The common myth that “people who talk about it won’t do it” is dangerous: a significant share of people signal their state in one way or another beforehand.
Suicidal thoughts vary: passive ones — “it would be nice to fall asleep and not wake up” — and active ones, when a person is thinking about how and when. Telling them apart is a job for a specialist; the task of loved ones is not to judge how serious it is on their own, but to respond to any such words with attention and support. The sooner the person gets help, the sooner the pain they are going through will ease.
Signs That May Point to Suicide Risk
People do not always say it directly. Sometimes the warning comes from changes in behavior, especially if they appear against a background of depression, loss, conflict, debt or alcohol use. A combination of several signs, and especially their sudden appearance, is a reason to talk and to consult a specialist. Remember that no single sign proves intent, but the absence of direct words does not guarantee safety either. If in doubt, it is better to ask and seek advice than to stay silent.
- Statements like “I’m a burden to everyone,” “it will all be over soon,” “you’d be better off without me”
- Interest in the topic of death; talking, writing or posting about it
- Saying goodbye to loved ones, giving away valuable possessions, putting affairs in order
- Withdrawing from people, giving up former interests, a sense of hopelessness
- A sharp increase in drinking or the use of other substances
- Sudden calm after a long period of severe depression
- Self-harm or previous attempts to hurt themselves
- A painful loss, breakup, job loss, debt or humiliation shortly before
| Situation | What helps | What gets in the way |
|---|---|---|
| The person admits to having thoughts of death | “Thank you for telling me. I’m here.” | “Don’t talk nonsense.” |
| You are not sure how serious it is | Ask directly about suicidal thoughts | Pretend you didn’t notice anything |
| The person asks you to keep it secret | Say honestly that you will get help to protect their life | Promise to stay silent |
| The person talks about hopelessness | Listen, acknowledge the pain, say it can be treated | Argue and try to prove everything is fine |
| There is a plan and a timeframe | Do not leave them alone; call 103 or 112 | Walk away to “let them calm down” |
How to Start a Conversation With Someone Who Is Thinking About Suicide
Choose a quiet place where you can talk without hurry and without other people around. Start with what you have noticed and that you are worried: “It seems to me that things are really hard for you right now. I’m worried about you.” If the person talks about hopelessness, ask a direct question: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” The guidance from WHO and suicide prevention experts is clear: such a question does not plant the idea in someone’s head; it shows that you are ready to talk about the most frightening things.
After that, the main thing is to listen. Do not interrupt, argue, try to prove that “things aren’t that bad” or lecture them about the value of life. Acknowledge their feelings: “I can hear how much pain you’re in.” Ask what helps even a little, who else could support them, and whether they have a plan. Tell them that this state is treatable and that you will help find a specialist. If the person asks you not to tell anyone, answer honestly that you cannot promise that, because their life matters.
What to Say
“Thank you for telling me.” “You’re not alone.” “I’m here, and I’ll help you find help.” “What you’re feeling happens with depression, and it can be treated.” “Let’s call a specialist together.” Simple, warm phrases matter more than eloquence. It is okay if you feel lost or fall silent: your very presence and willingness to listen already give the person something to hold on to.
What to Avoid
Dismissing their feelings: “others have it worse,” “stop making things up.” Blaming: “you’re being selfish, think of your mother.” Emotional blackmail and threats. Arguing about whether they have the right to feel this way. Promising to keep it secret. Discussing methods — even in order to talk them out of it. Do not leave the conversation hanging: agree on the next step.
How to Support Someone Who Talks About Not Wanting to Live
- Take it seriouslyDo not dismiss their words or treat them as blackmail. Any mention of thoughts of death is a reason to talk.
- Ask directly“Are you thinking about suicide?” A direct question does not provoke; it gives them a chance to talk about what matters most.
- Listen without judgmentLet them talk it out, acknowledge their feelings, and do not argue, interrupt or lecture about the value of life.
- Assess the urgencyIf there is a plan, a timeframe, agitation or intoxication, do not leave them alone and call 103 or 112.
- Help them reach a specialistOffer to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist together, in person or online, and go with them if needed.
- Stay in touchCheck in regularly on how they are feeling, remind them of doctor’s appointments and that they are not alone.
What to Do if the Danger Is Immediate
If the person talks about a specific plan and timing, has already started to act, is highly agitated, or is under the influence of alcohol or drugs, the situation requires immediate help. Your task is to ensure safety here and now and to bring in professionals. This is not betrayal; it is care. The law of the Republic of Kazakhstan allows psychiatric care to be provided without a person’s consent if they pose an immediate danger to themselves — this decision is made by doctors in the manner established by law.
- Do not leave the person alone for a single minute
- Call 103 or 112 and calmly describe the situation
- If you can do so without risk to yourself, remove medications, weapons and sharp objects
- Speak calmly, do not argue or raise your voice
- Call another trusted person to help
- For children and young people, the 24/7 helpline is 150
Where to Get Help: Psychiatrist, Psychotherapist, Online Care
When there is no acute danger but thoughts of not wanting to live keep coming up, a consultation with a psychiatrist is needed. The psychiatrist will assess the risk, find out whether there is depression, bipolar disorder, addiction or another cause, and propose a care plan. This may include psychotherapy — cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectical behavior therapy — medication and, if the risk is high, inpatient treatment. Psychiatric care in Kazakhstan is provided under medical confidentiality, and seeking help does not automatically mean being placed on a state psychiatric registry.
For many people the first step is easier to take online — from home, without waiting in line and without fear that someone will find out. At Psychiatry Online, psychiatrists and psychotherapists consult by video around the clock and anonymously. A loved one can book an appointment themselves to get advice on what to do, or help the person in crisis book one. If the risk is high, the doctor will recommend in-person care, a home visit or hospitalization and explain how to arrange it.
Safety Plan
Together with the specialist, a safety plan is drawn up: the signs that a crisis is approaching, what helps to calm down, whom to contact, helpline numbers and how to limit access to dangerous means. It is useful for loved ones to know it too, so that in a difficult moment they can follow a plan they already understand rather than panic.
How to Support Them After the First Consultation
Ask how they are feeling, help them follow the recommendations, remind them about appointments and be there on hard days. Improvement does not come instantly, and the risk needs particular attention during the first weeks of treatment for depression. Tell the doctor about any worrying changes.
How to Take Care of Yourself When a Loved One Is in Crisis
Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts is hard: it brings fear, sleepless nights, guilt and a sense of responsibility for another person’s life. Remember that you cannot and should not replace a doctor. Your role is to be there and help them get professional care. Share the load with other family members and friends, talk about your own feelings with people you trust and, if needed, see a psychotherapist yourself. Taking care of yourself allows you to support the other person longer and better.
When to see a doctor
- Your loved one talks about not wanting to live or about being a burden to others
- The person shows signs of depression: low mood, insomnia, hopelessness lasting more than two weeks
- They have withdrawn from people, are giving things away, saying goodbye or putting their affairs in order
- There have been previous suicide attempts or episodes of self-harm
- The person has started drinking more or using other substances during the crisis
- You yourself feel unable to cope with your worry about your loved one
When urgent help is needed
If the person talks about a specific plan, has already started to act, is highly agitated or intoxicated, or you cannot find them after worrying words, call 103 or 112 immediately. Do not leave them alone. For children and young people, the 24/7 helpline is 150. A crisis passes, and help works.
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Questions and answers
Is it true that people who talk about suicide won’t actually do it?
No, this is a dangerous myth. Many people who have made an attempt talked about their state beforehand, directly or through hints. Words about not wanting to live are a sign of severe suffering and a cry for help. They should be taken seriously: talk to the person and help them see a specialist rather than waiting to see whether the threat is real.
Could I push someone over the edge by asking about suicide directly?
No. Guidance from WHO and suicide prevention experts emphasizes that a direct, calm question does not increase risk. On the contrary, it reduces tension and loneliness: the person realizes that it is possible to talk about the most frightening things. It is important to ask without judgment and be ready to hear the answer.
Whom should I call if a loved one wants to kill themselves?
If there is an immediate threat to life, call 103 or 112. For children and young people in Kazakhstan, the helpline 150 is available. If there is no acute danger but thoughts of death keep coming up, see a psychiatrist or psychotherapist in person or online. A family member can also get a consultation themselves to understand what to do.
Can a person be hospitalized without their consent?
Under Kazakhstan law, psychiatric care without consent is possible only in cases expressly provided for by law, for example when there is an immediate danger to oneself or others. The decision is made by doctors and, in certain cases, reviewed by a court. If you see a direct threat, call 103 or 112 — professionals will assess the situation on site.
Can an online consultation help someone with suicidal thoughts?
An online consultation can be an important first step: at Psychiatry Online, a psychiatrist will assess the risk and the person’s condition and propose a care plan anonymously and without waiting. However, if the risk is high, there are specific plans or the person is intoxicated, in-person or emergency care is needed. The doctor will tell you honestly which format is safe and help arrange the next steps.
How can I support a teenager who says they don’t want to live?
Do not scold or shame them, and do not take away their phone as punishment. Calmly ask questions, listen, and say that you are there for them and that such feelings can be treated. Remove medications and dangerous objects. See a child psychiatrist or psychotherapist, and if there is a threat, call 103 or 112. The teenager can also call the 150 helpline themselves.
What should I do if the person refuses help?
Do not cut off contact and do not pressure them. Keep telling them that you care and offer options — an online consultation, a helpline, a meeting with a doctor they trust. Consult a specialist yourself to get advice. If an immediate danger arises, call 103 or 112 regardless of their consent.
Sources and methodology
- World Health Organization, “Preventing suicide: a resource for media professionals”
- World Health Organization, “LIVE LIFE: an implementation guide for suicide prevention in countries”
- NICE guideline NG225 “Self-harm: assessment, management and preventing recurrence”
- ICD-10, World Health Organization
- Code of the Republic of Kazakhstan “On Public Health and the Healthcare System”
This article was prepared by the Psychiatry Online medical editorial team and reviewed by a doctor. It is for reference only and does not replace a specialist consultation. Editorial policy
Reviewed by
Assel Omarova, MDPsychiatrist and addiction specialistAddiction combined with depression and anxiety, crisis states, online consultations for families.
